All I wanted to know was if anyone thought it was possible for her to have been cheating on me too. That's it.
I could've done without the psychiatric evaluation... I knew all of that already and I feel bad enough about it. And the verbal abuse from that other numbskull was fucking annoying.
As far as the relationship goes, she still woulda been with me today if I hadn't ended it. I just didn't feel right continuing on with things after I cheated on her... I haven't felt the same since. It was the first time I ever cheated on anyone, and I never did it again, and I never wanna do it again. The emotional hangover is just way too heavy. I'm still beating myself up over it years later. Every day I think about trying to "fix it", but I gotta just let it go. I don't feel love when I look at her anymore.... I feel guilt. And you can't build a real, loving relationship on that. I can't forgive myself.
And about her ex boyfriends:
It really isn't a debate over SHOULD I care that she sees them or not, or if I'm even allowed to be mad about it... the point is that her seeing them bothered me, so if she really cared about me she would've knocked it off, but she didn't. She chose their side over mine. I never had a problem with her having male friends. It was the exes I didn't like, and she wouldn't accomodate me. I didn't think I was asking for much. She didn't give two shits about how I felt, it was all about her life. I never would do that to anyone. I don't think she would've liked it if I hung with my various exes on a semi-regular basis. Not at all.
I could've done without the psychiatric evaluation... I knew all of that already and I feel bad enough about it. And the verbal abuse from that other numbskull was fucking annoying.
As far as the relationship goes, she still woulda been with me today if I hadn't ended it. I just didn't feel right continuing on with things after I cheated on her... I haven't felt the same since. It was the first time I ever cheated on anyone, and I never did it again, and I never wanna do it again. The emotional hangover is just way too heavy. I'm still beating myself up over it years later. Every day I think about trying to "fix it", but I gotta just let it go. I don't feel love when I look at her anymore.... I feel guilt. And you can't build a real, loving relationship on that. I can't forgive myself.
And about her ex boyfriends:
It really isn't a debate over SHOULD I care that she sees them or not, or if I'm even allowed to be mad about it... the point is that her seeing them bothered me, so if she really cared about me she would've knocked it off, but she didn't. She chose their side over mine. I never had a problem with her having male friends. It was the exes I didn't like, and she wouldn't accomodate me. I didn't think I was asking for much. She didn't give two shits about how I felt, it was all about her life. I never would do that to anyone. I don't think she would've liked it if I hung with my various exes on a semi-regular basis. Not at all.