Should learn to keep my mouth shut

Here is the deal and need some advice.
the missus and I have had some problems in the past where there has not been enough attention shared between us. in other words I do things for her like massages I initiate sex and so on I have bought these problems up in the past but have never got anywhere. So I just stopped thinking about it and just kept on doing the things for her. Things where going great while I was not saying anything but I do not know what happened tonight. I was in bed waiting for her to come to bed when she came in I guess I was just hoping that this would be the night that I get a hug or something. She hoped in bed said goodnight and rolled over. I do not know what happened this rage came over me and I stood up and told her this is it I am sleeping on the lounge. A argument started about sex and shit like that it was like I was not going to stand for it anymore.
Guess what I am on the lounge typing this so I did not win and now I have to put up with her tomorrow. So i am pretty much screwed.
Do you think I did the rite thing or should I just let things go?

It's extremely frustrating when you can't get someone that important in your life to communicate...I know from first-hand experience. The hardest part is trying to figure out just HOW to draw out any kind of meaningful exchange.
Truth is; if she don't wanna talk-she ain't gonna talk.
And unfortunately the harder you try, the harder she just might clam up & keep building resentment towards you. (Again, been there.)


Best advice I can give you right now is to just step back and take a few deep breaths. Try to think your way around to the best solution and pay damn close attention to her behavior: We all know women can be irrational in an EXTREME fashion. Sadly, the more rational you try to be, the more it seems to piss 'em off and then they get even MORE irrational....and it's all your fault.

Let both of you cool down, I think just about anything you do right now will be "The Wrong Thing".

Cheers mate
Everything you said is true and is exactly the way I feel about he situation. I think that the more I talk the worse it gets and not due to the type of conversation it is more the fact that no matter what I say I am wrong and apparently I never do what I say I am doing I think my best bet at the moment is to back off as you said. I have also been doing some reading and keeping a diary is a good way to relieve frustration.

Time to turn the tables and become a bit of a bad boy, this will change things quickly. Sometimes being too nice can make a woman less attracted to the guy and the only thing that will flip this is you becoming more elusive, more questionable, leave some mystery about and I guaranty she will be on you like white on rice.

maxameyes is right take a step back and really think about the situation and what you want to try to resolve before it is brought up again...but you cannot continue to go on like that...feeling "rejected" or undesirable to the person you love have to be tough..but letting it go is only going to allow it to fester and it will come up again...you don't want to feel the way you do just to keep the peace...hopefully you guys can sit down and talk like two adults and come to a resolution that both will be happy with...i'm sure your not asking for much...like you want her to be a nympho and hop on you everytime you get the urge...but a little affection from your wife is not asking much.

Thanks guys
I am about to turn everything around anyway. Enough is enough I am not a bad guy and I am not a bad looking guy plenty of fish in the sea so if she does not smarten up she will be out the door or vise versa does not really matter I have just decided that my happiness is my happiness and I am in control of that. If being happy is finding someone else that is what it is going to be.

little fella;418603 said:

Thanks guys
I am about to turn everything around anyway. Enough is enough I am not a bad guy and I am not a bad looking guy plenty of fish in the sea so if she does not smarten up she will be out the door or vise versa does not really matter I have just decided that my happiness is my happiness and I am in control of that. If being happy is finding someone else that is what it is going to be.

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That a boy!

I was feeling this way recently. I'll admit there are times I have been eager to give my opinion when I thought after it was not my business, but I probably was right and what I have to say has no effect on people in such a horrible way. When others are casting judgement on you you need to remember who it is is that is judging. Maybe if it is somebody you truly love it hurts you feel you said too much. Then maybe it is not a matter of shutting up but maybe thinking about what you say, or waiting to reply after you have had time to understand. A really good exercise for when you are mad is to walk away and then come back and discuss a situation after you have both had some time to calm down rather than arguing.

It has to be about understand time. That's what I struggle with when I can't feel calm- when the heat in the kitchen gets so hot I am sweaty palms and weak knees. I can't separate how much longer I will have to live this way. So I figure what I say is wrong and I should shut up. When DLD says only state of being matters what I struggle with is time. I know I can be in Heaven when a I get a break from the stress- its the time and during the time I am learning- it is the hardest.

That is the truth Turn! I open my mouth before I think soooo much and it only puts me in a bad position. I think it is the personalization and self talk that brings us to these "foot in the mouth" situation. We all assume we know what someone else is thinking when in many cases it is completely different than what it truly is. I lost friends, relationships, opportunities and the like due to my reactionary responses.

doublelongdaddy;418831 said:

That is the truth Turn! I open my mouth before I think soooo much and it only puts me in a bad position. I think it is the personalization and self talk that brings us to these "foot in the mouth" situation. We all assume we know what someone else is thinking when in many cases it is completely different than what it truly is. I lost friends, relationships, opportunities and the like due to my reactionary responses.

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It is a completely natural way to respond, the world is such a cut throat place. Its like kill or be killed and then who can we treat like we are safe? I love my privacy- to an extent before it feels like I'm kept out of things. People are happy to leave us in a box at the expense of our own damaged-community relationships. Even now I want to obsess about anything & everything I'm writing worried about getting tehe gratification and acceptance of others. Early this morning I had this very bad anxiety episode where I started dry-heaving and I couldn't stop it. At first I was so torn apart because it was like I feel who I am and I where I've come are so different than where people allow me credit, then suddenly I just couldn't stop it it was like about anything.

These posts help me so much, its selfish, and I dont make myself not post.....some days are really days I should have only written when in my best mood like I use to have it as a rule- No posting if I'm in an agitated condition or a depressive outlook. I couldn't leave it alone when the time came to maybe I don't want to feel wrong. I think I've gotten to know myself better than anyone else would know not to mention how much better I can write after. What I really realized is I worked out so hard and really kept all my promises so when I use to doubt myself (that I was really a good person) other people were the ones that were letting me get myself down. Even though I let my own heart break over and over for really reasons that where mostly immediately of me, I could have just relaxed you know: I found myself deeper than without stopping I think it is a healthy addiction. Although stress is a strong situation to force other emotions. If that is like a win-to-lose concept I want to know why no mater how good everything is I wonder if everything is going to be that okay with everyone else. I don't care if it is anymore or not then where just back to where we started this response here. Or I only care about something more other than myself. I don't believe I had to find out through a devastating way of feeling though, its just the dysfunction of anti social satisfaction.

Well thanks for letting me share DLD.

Holy Moly
So in other words the best thing to do is walk away think about what I am going to say and then bring forth a argument. See my problem has been addressed here and DLD put it best (foot in mouth) when I am pissed off I just let it go. This is generally due to me holding back for to long and then once I start I just keep going. I actually never think about what to say all I think about is the problem at hand. Thanks for the advice turnover I am going to give it a go.
I must say though I spoke to her a few days ago just sitting at the coffee table with coffees in hand no arguing and no shouting or getting pissed off and she said that she just does not feel like I have much to complain about I am aloud to do what ever I want. This is true I do do what ever I want drinks with the guys, Fishing trips away and weekends of pure self abuse while drinking and smoking uno. I told her the only reason I do all off this because most of the time I feel as if she does not want me around. She told me do not be stupid of cause I want you around she said she just does not want to ever stop me from doing anything. Well long story short she agreed that she will be more attentive and I agreed that I will keep doing what I want lol. So guess what I win lol. Not really we will see how all off this goes if I know her as well as I think I do this will last for a week. I will keep you posted.

Breath, count to ten walk around the block, go to the gym, whatever just do not react. When we react on supposition most of the time we are wrong. Nothing wrong with saying "I'm am going to think on that and get back to you"

A really good exercise for when you are upset or stressed or anxious is to close your eyes and count like this: Through your nose breath-in, count to 1 in your mind. On the out-breath (through your nose), in your mind count 2. Repeat this consecutively up to ten and repeat as necessary. If anything in your mind distracts you while counting just start back at 1. This really helps me in some situations.

I don't think going out for a walk and coming back to argue is the point. For example there is some douche bag at my new place who has some kind of hang up and if I'm ever around he talks to me really queer but he knows nothing about me. I swear I almost reached over and smacked the shit out of him the other day. He has no idea I don't talk that way and assumes I'm some bitch he can talk shit. Well I had to go out for a bit and while I was out I had a chance to cool down. Later I realized this kid is probably like 19 or 20 yr/o and I'll be 30 in less than 4 years. Wtf would I give him the power to get under my skin? If anything he has the issue not me. So when I got home I was ready to say something with intelligence rather than smacking the shit out of him and who knows losing my housing. He's never around so I was lucky there was no issue. If it were to happen again I'm sure thinking of him as a child would really help me with whatever I would say. So relate that with your wife. Take a break from the argument and try and understand where you guys are not connecting and try to be the better person.

See they told me that immature kid really is barely 25. He trys too hard to act gangster, when hes just showing that he is clueless about life. I'm glad I'm not living in such a narrow minded thinking.

Now they told me this dude moved out, I never even had to open my mouth

Turnover;420620 said:

Now they told me this dude moved out, I never even had to open my mouth

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Law of Attraction in reverse

Inverted
jk
Actually I just repeated everything he said in a slow monotone voice and then said "Good for you!"

And one day I was in the kitchen bending over at the refrigerator and I farted and it was really really loud and he went into the main room and sat down and he was laughing and he was going DAMN What the fuck .... and I went to my room and slammed the door.

Just came across this thread I was in the same boat in love with a girl that didn't show much intrest in me. She claimed to love me and want to marry me but showed very little intrest in me until other girls did. Long story short I moved in with her and got engaged nothing changed I felt unattractive (which I'm not I get called hot by girls 10 years younger) and sex was far and in between. I finally made up my mind and said it wasn't working and broke off the engagement. It was a tough decison but the best one I've ever made I'm much more happier now and my confidence is higher.

Exactly what you should have done. Men need to buck the fuck up and be men. Don't wait. Be a man now before there is a problem. By the way, women like and choose and respect strong men and piss on the weaklings. I know this for a fact.

bubblehead;433598 said:

Just came across this thread I was in the same boat in love with a girl that didn't show much intrest in me. She claimed to love me and want to marry me but showed very little intrest in me until other girls did. Long story short I moved in with her and got engaged nothing changed I felt unattractive (which I'm not I get called hot by girls 10 years younger) and sex was far and in between. I finally made up my mind and said it wasn't working and broke off the engagement. It was a tough decison but the best one I've ever made I'm much more happier now and my confidence is higher.

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