Overall confidence

I am probably the most insecure person around! I need help with more than just penis size. I am going out with a girl and she is getting upset over my insecurities! I am rather shy in social situations and she gets angry I don't open up and talk. She says I am way to insecure and worry about what people think. I just want to know how do you build confidence. Do you compliment yourself and don't let things bring you down? I can't just throw myself at something. How do I practice to get to the point I can throw myself at things in social situations without looking like a dumb ass? As for my penis, it could be the Guinness World's Records and I would still feel small. I am some what of a perfectionist, nothing is ever good enough. To weak, to slow of a mind, and to small of a penis. I keep drilling to improve and I am never satisfied. She says there is nothing for me to be insecure about. I just say it isn't good enough in my head for any of those reasons. Just put in input. I have had this trouble all my life and it is getting even on my nerves because she initiated the problem and I don't know how to attack the solution.

I would always tell someone to just be them selves, that is honestly the best advice, if you feel yourself slipping away, tell yourself it's aight, and chuck your chin up.
I also will train rhe physical, if your physical is strong not only do you promote confidence, you'll feel and look better. If your strong on the outside, you become strong on the inside, start to heal some of those pains on the inside aswell.

Like blackice, when I started getting "swole" my confidence rose a whole lot. I realize that I can get away with a lot of shit now that I used to not be able to because of my physical size. It makes me feel like I'm in total control when I'm out.

The true confidence is built from securities. The security of being a true man is the greatest confidence builder. Don't be a little bitch, but still be a caring human being. Realize you don't have to take shit from people, but be open to others' ideas.

I feel that meditation helped me greatly. Somehow it aligns you with the ideal male energy which you in turn project. When you are channeling energy of the Natural(Universal Energy) Male then a Natural Female(Universal Feminine Energy) will find it hard to resist that opposite polarity that it needs to find balance with.

Yeah, you are right! Meditation sounds very comforting to me! Being myself sounds easy enough, just I am not really open enough to show who I am. I suppose I have been living in fear for awhile time to go out and enjoy everything! More input would be nice for me and anyone else who happens to see this and has the same problems. More Ideas more understanding.

Even if you do not actually have the confidence, you can fake it through your actions and body language. Eventually, people will take notice and respond differently to you, which in turn will actually make you a confident person. You might be wondering how to fake it...well I'll start you out with some tips:

1. ALWAYS walk slow (almost arrogantly) with your head held high (don't ever look at the ground...imagine a string attached from your chin to something right above your head), shoulders back, and STAND UP STRAIGHT.

2. Keep your hands open (i.e. don't clinch your fists)

3. When sitting or standing, take up a lot of space...shy people will let others "crowd" the out of spaces, but confident people take up a lot of space.

4. Look people directly in the eye, and even hold eye contact WAY past what feels normal...this shows you are confident. Imagine the president or some famous actor looking you in the eye and then looking away...just wouldn't happen.

5. Practice and develop a smile that exudes confidence...I like to think of it as a sly, cocky smile...and USE IT A LOT. Everyone finds it easier to talk to people that look like they enjoy themselves and are always having a good time...and all that takes is a smile.

6. SLOW DOWN your movements...this includes walking, chewing gum, talking...everything. Just slow down...

7. Talk LOUD from your diaphragm. To understand this, put your hand just below your sternum (above your belly button) and try to feel it resonate down there when you talk.

8. Don't take shit from people. If someone puts you down, doesn't respond to you, or anything like that, confidently put them in their place. For example, if you are talking and someone interrupts you, stop, look them in the eye, and tell them "excuse me, I was talking and I don't appreciate being interrupted"

9. Don't try to shy away from conversation. There is no reason that you can't contribute to a discussion, you are probably just as much fun as anyone deep down...and you can get excited when you talk, but keep the loud, deep voice, look them in the eye, use inflection and body gestures (not too many though).

10. Give a firm introduction when meeting people...speak up, give a good firm handshake while looking them in the eye, and just say "hey, what's up...I'm (name)"



If you follow these ten guidelines, you will appear confident and actually start to develop confidence in yourself after people respond to you. Most of this can be summed up by saying "act like you have a 10 inch penis hanging between your legs." Deep down, everyone on here wants a little more confidence, so if you just act like a man in control who has what every other guy wants, you will do just fine.

God damn it I love you!

Questions: With keeping your hands open, what about pockets? The starring wouldn't that give off as a "starring problem"? What is the comfortable starring gesture? Once they look away? When should I apply the cocky smile? Constantly?

Best damn advice ever! Loud diaphragm is definitely what I need! I love the "There is no reason that you can't contribute to a discussion, you are probably just as much fun as anyone deep down" That really makes fucking sense, no shit!

Matts22, the problem I have with following such advice is taking it too far! What keeps happening to me is that lots of girls are finding me a bit arrogant. This is strange because I'm not actually that confident, I just try and project that I am by following those sorts of rules. Lately, any disappointments I've been having with women, I've been chalking up to being too insecure or shy, but I've recently been finding out from girls that it's the total opposite, they're finding me over-confident, too intense and its makes them feel uncomfortable. So how do you avoid overdoing it?

When you're first practicing these new behaviors, you will probably overdo it, at times. But that's o.k. Once these new behaviors become habit, you'll do them naturally and you'll become less likely to go to the other extreme.

"Act as if" is great advice. Do you smile at people when you meet them? Practice it throughout the day. Smile at strangers. Some will look at you strangely. But most will smile back, especially the women. Wink at the women-a sly wink--one that will make them think, "Did he just wink at me?"

Smile at old people. Smile at young people. Smile at babies. Just keep smiling, even if you look like the cheshire cat or the cat that swallowed the canary.

People respond to people who look happy and open. Even if you feel like shit inside, don't reveal that part of youself except to those that you're real close to. And even your girlfriend. Practice with her. I've been married for well over 40 years, and yet, when I wink at the Mrs., she's ready to jump into bed with me!!!

And even then, avoid telling people all the time that you feel like a small piece of whatever inside. Pretend you're in the Marines and you're on review by your superiors--shaved, polished, clean as a whistle. Pull in your stomach, straighten those shoulders, hold your head high and proud. Pretend your dick is 8 inches long flaccid and hanging half way to your knees. And you're damned proud of that big dick of yours.

Learn what it means to speak from the diaphragm.

When people frown at you or whatever, say to yourself. "It's their problem."

Just keep smiling. Eventually all the wonderful new behaviors and advice you've received on this thread will become a part of you--and they will not feel phoney or false, but the real you.

Do self affirmations. Get naked. Get a full length mirror. Look at yourself in that mirror. And talk to yourself. Tell yourself what a MAN you are. Because you ARE a MAN. Just keep saying those words to yourself.

God made you the way you are. Don't be afraid to accept yourself just the way God intended you to be, for now. You'll grow as a person, as a human being, as a MAN.

Good luck, MAN!!!

Good post.

Most of the advices here are wrong. You need more than mere advices to defeat shyness.
Even when telling yourself you can do it (defeat shyness) conciously it won't work just because insecurites are beliefs built and reinforced from bad experiences in the past. Those are engraved in the unconcious mind which we all know is stronger than the concious mind. When you say shy i know exactly what you mean, you think of what you say too much, look at your own body language and generally too self concious about every little thing done. You might be surprised but a lot people are shy today, you're not the only one! I would recommend downloading or buying e-books by David deAngelo, there's one called defeat shyness. You will use methods that will attack those experiences from the past and put them in a new light as if take the importance off of them and anchor new empowering beliefs about yourself. Your confidence will soar. (there are also techniques that include in them some special self affirmations just like 9x11 said)
About being yourself, you are always yourself and you have a different self in different situation.

And as far as those 10 little tricks, it's not helpful at this stage. Before learning to run you need to know how to walk. It's constructive to go from the inside out, and not just fake confidence. Once you have a base then u can learn all the cool tricks.

All in all, I am getting better! I agree Sparky! With me though it is only in social areas I feel insecure at home I am just happy so I am just afraid of acceptance... low self-esteem. I am coping. I will look at David deAngelo's stuff! All this is great tips it all has to be rolled into one and used in the way that works for you. I say fake it a bit while learning your self because faking it your image looks good until they start talking to you.

Instead of hiding all of your true feelings with some of the seduction type stuff, focus more on changing your frame to make everything into something interesting, unique, and positive.

Think of Woody Allen...insecure, neurotic, short, old, balding, health problems but he skewed all of that to make everyone percieve him as amazing.